The only thing I wanted to be in life was a wife and a mother — someone else to serve, love, and honor. I have met each of those goals X3 by age 26.

One minute I am in paradise, and the next, I feel as if I can barely catch my breath through the salty crisp air. As I stuck my toes in the water, the tide of society pulled me so far out that I often forget who I left waiting onshore. The things I left on shore included my family, self-love, priorities, and identity. Instead of fighting to head back to the beach I began to go with the wave's flow. It felt good at first. I was relaxed.

A storm set in, and I decided to keep coasting. Why is that? Well, because it's hard. Not only are you mentally, physically exhausted when every wave approaches, but you are scared this will be the one where you sink. So I tread water for hours, hoping my head doesn't go under the surface. As if they're infested with sharks.

So ask yourself, if you find yourself in this scenario, and you swim towards shore, what would you be coming back to?

I searched for God harder than I ever have in those waters. I imagined him as a loud rescue boat, with flashing lights, and he was coming aggressively to save me. As I looked across the open waters, there were no boats. I felt so alone as the waves came one by one.

The only thing that I could see for miles was one buoy a few feet away, staying stationary. Firm as the waves swayed into a rhythm.

I never considered reaching for it because it almost seemed too good to be true. It was too close, too easy. I had to be hallucinating.

I emerged myself under the saltwater. As it became silent, I heard God say,

you can not control the storm, but you CAN control yourself. Once I calmed myself, I realized the buoy that rocked gracefully was God.

I thought I was alone. When really, he was beside me the entire time. In sync with every rhythm the wave carried.

He never shifted; he wasn't loud with flashing lights.

He was calm, stationary, waiting for me to cling to him.

All I had to do was reach.

The waves eventually settle.

Control yourself.


Now..head back to shore.

Salt and everything.

Hi, thanks for stopping by!

I'm Bay. A woman, challenging herself to not fit in the box society expects her to stay in...

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